Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before?
My mother has been visiting me for the past two weeks. Out of the sweetness of her heart she offered to cook for me, clean for me, and even do my laundry so that I could focus on passing my professional certification exam. At first I was hesitant. I had become accustomed to a certain solitary rhythm that would be disturbed by her presence. And yet, I felt guilty for being so selfish. It had been far too long since I last saw my mother, and what right did I have to prevent her from visiting her own daughter?
Do not mistake me. I love my mother very much, almost to a fault. In fact, I love my entire family so much it hurts just to know we live over a thousand miles apart. Whether it was because we did everything together or because we had several life affirming moments, moving across the country was, and still continues to be, one of the most difficult transitions of my life. Thus, out of self preservation, I have found it easier to simply know that my family loves me without being constantly reminded of how far apart we are. The overwhelming sadness of a single goodbye is more bearable than perpetual sadness of recurring farewells. But as my mother missed me, I too missed having my mother close.
Indeed these past two weeks have been some of the happiest fourteen days of my life. Since graduating from college and entering the workforce, has been much darkness. Yet having my mother near I now feel strong enough to overcome these shadows. Because we have traveled the town together, I now feel I can endure this isolation a bit longer. Light has been restored to this gloomy existence.
We have shared some wonderful memories these past few days. On the eve of her departure, I remember sitting in the ice cream shop, sharing a bowl of coffee delight, and just being incandescently happy. The whole world could have been laughing at us and I would not have noticed for I was sitting with my mother, sharing a moment of unconditional love as though enveloped in a patronus charm. So when I dropped her off at the airport today, I did not want to let her go. I wanted this zen-like happiness to last forever. I wanted to stop time and live in this moment for all eternity. But alas this is reality. Needless to say the tears would not stop flowing. With my eyes visually impaired and my nose perpetually stuffed, it’s a wonder I made it through the drive home. Thank God for Emeli Sande. All the feels! The lyrics do truly make sense when you feel sad.
So, to all the mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day! Thank you for being the guiding light in our lives; teaching us to be strong in the face of adversity. ❤